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When life is overwhelming

 

It’s been a hard week. The lack of progress on our renovations and living in a tiny inadequately heated corner of the house in very cold weather, my husband’s growing health problems, living with an extremely painful neck and the pressure of the voluntary work I am doing has completely overwhelmed me. 

We are planning 140 year celebrations for our church and are having a concert. The committee want me to do a drama, a repeat of a monologue I performed earlier in the year and / or a Spoken Word. I have also been shoulder tapped to be in a musical item using an instrument I haven’t played in years.

As an older person it is harder and more time consuming to remember lines quite apart from the fact that currently there are few people in the church who have the gift of drama—and of course I need to find or write a drama that would be suitable and organize rehearsals. I performed the monologue in costume at the beginning of the year and simply feel sick at having to repeat it. Even though I have been on the platform at church performing drama and Spoken Word, praying, preaching and leading services among other things regularly over the last forty years, I have always felt anxious about being in front of the congregation. I do still present celebration time, congregational prayers and the odd Spoken Word but it never gets easier. As I get older, it simply gets harder to do. I have tried putting together a Spoken Word around the theme of the anniversary but nothing is flowing even when I wait on God. It all feels too much and totally overwhelming.

Today we had the first practice of the musical item. I was completely at sea, especially as the leader knows it so well and thinks I can just pick it up as she has great faith in my ability to do so. She was going far too fast for me and I was close to tears as I bumbled along. None of it made sense!

So what do I do? First, I am praying about what God wants me to do. I don’t have an obvious answer yet. However, I think that maybe the fact that I immediately felt churned up when the drama and monologue were mentioned and that the rehearsal on the instrument was so upsetting is my answer. I will continue to pray and will need to have the courage to actually say no to all these things if this is the answer.

So often we want to please people, especially when we have been so capable in the past. But I believe more and more that if you are praying about something and just keep feeling unsettled and unhappy about it then God is saying no. Then it is healthy and affirming to say no to others. In the meantime, God continues to be my refuge and I lean on Him to find rest for my soul.

May you also find rest in God when battling other’s expectations or are feeling overwhelmed. May you have the courage to say no when necessary.

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