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Surviving retirement with your husband #1

 I am an introvert. My husband has more extrovert leanings. I used to work in a very social environment and craved peace when I arrived home. My husband used to work in isolation and craved conversation when he arrived home. I walked through the door and he started talking. I had to feign interest in an early television programme just to have that half hour of quiet with no conversation I so desperately desired. But we made it work!

However, being retired is a whole different ball game. My husband had great plans to go fishing, work in his garden and socialise with friends. However, due to a ‘gammy’ knee he can’t manage the uneven river banks or the shingle on the beach so no fishing. He also can’t dig in his garden.  He does drive to the local park at the weekend to sail his RC boat and socialises a little with other like-minded men but it is not quite enough. Out of necessity he spends a lot of time watching television because he is unable to be as active as he planned. Unfortunately the health system is broken and he will not have his needed knee replacement any time soon.

So now we spend even more time together and have had to cultivate patience and understanding of each other. Even as an introvert I need my time out with friends as I need some socialisation for my mental health and wellness. I would very easily isolate myself so it is important to me to avoid that. He gives me the space to do what I need, and I plan to have plenty of home-time to relax but also time to be available to him as his days seem very long.

We have a lunch date every week that we never break so we have some uninterrupted time together. This demonstrates the importance we place on each other and our relationship. We budget carefully for this and simply go to favourite cafes and order something cheap from the cabinet with our coffee. We save for our wedding anniversary and birthdays and have something a bit more special from the menu to celebrate those milestones. We also agree not to complain to our friends about each other (not always easy when I’m in a bit of a snit about something he did or didn’t do and want to complain to someone).

Is it easy? Absolutely not! But we work on communication, being quick to forgive and on each other’s love language. Mine is service, so I serve him and in return he endeavours to serve me. His is quality time which is why our weekly date is so important. Too often, we want our spouse or partner to meet our needs or expectations but this is unfair (especially if we haven’t even communicated them). Too often we want everything our own way, but this is selfish. Love requires us to think more of the other person than ourselves—even when we don’t want to or love seems far away. You will be surprised how well this works.

Ephesians 5:33 “however, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

 


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