Skip to main content

A journey with grief

 

This year has been really difficult, sapping my strength and energy. Towards the end of last year, mum, at ninety three years old, made the decision to enter a rest home as she could no longer cope. We had organised as much help as was available and were visiting two to three times a day, but it wasn’t enough as she grew increasingly frail as well as slightly confused and lost the desire or energy to undertake basic tasks.

She slowly settled into life in the rest home and was starting to join in activities when the cyclone hit. The residents were evacuated to another rest home where she caught COVID. She ended up fighting for her life in hospital where she stayed for five weeks. We then had to find a rest home that gave hospital level care as she had lost all independence, including being so fatigued she could no longer feed herself. We found a lovely place with caring and compassionate staff and felt at last that we could relax a little. Twelve days after admission she fell and fractured her hip. She endured surgery and recovered well, being discharged from hospital around a week and a half later. Within two days she suffered a stroke and finally passed away after another three days. It was heart breaking watching her struggle to breathe and in pain in spite of having the maximum amount of pain relief possible. It was so lovely to see her finally at rest and knowing where she was going—to join her beloved husband of 63 years in Heaven.

There had already been 10 weeks of grieving and letting go of the strong independent mother we had known all our lives. We now had a different journey to make. The funeral was beautiful and well attended, a fitting honour to an amazing woman.

The more extrovert among us were able to grieve openly. As an introvert I appeared to be in control apart from a brief moment during the funeral. My grieving will be done in solitude. It is important to acknowledge that grief looks different for all of us. The way we grieve and the length of our grief will look different—and that’s OK.  For the one who seems to move on quickly, that’s fine. For the one who takes longer before the memories bring comfort and pleasure—that’s OK (unless we are getting stuck).

So be kind. If you think someone should be done grieving by now, then recognise there is no particular pattern or time period for grief. The greatest support someone can give is to be prepared to listen if someone wants to talk about their loved one or their grief yet again. Understand that the strong person holding it all together may be hiding a tremendous struggle with grief. Be kind, have grace, be sensitive.

Take care, God bless.


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Time to relax

  Another update on the ongoing saga of the renovations. The new kitchen has now been pushed out until September with no date given. The flooring has now been pushed out until the 19 September and wallpapering sometime after that. We have to wait for the wallpapering before we install the new heat pump and the range-hood. The new lounge suite will take three to four months to be ready in the colour we want. Family are coming for our 140 th church celebrations the second week in October. I’m praying that the heat pump is up! There will literally be no chairs for them to sit on. Hopefully the new kitchen will at least be installed so I can unpack all the boxes that are currently stored in the spare bedrooms otherwise I have no place for them to sleep. I am laughing at the thought of sleeping bags in the lounge around the piano which is currently right in the middle where we moved it to allow painters to get around it. But today, I had a lovely relaxing morning. My friend is stil...
Post a Comment
Read more

Planting Seeds

  Carrying on from last week, I was wondering how I am sowing seeds. I realised that we can all sow seeds everywhere we go. I don’t go out that often actually, I don’t belong to any secular groups but I can still be responsive to the leading of the Holy Spirit. Under his leading I made a determined effort to get to know the names of all the staff at my two favourite cafés that I visit at least weekly. I ask about their families; I support where I can. My friends and I find opportunities to give them all a little gift of chocolate and a card with a verse of scripture written on it. They all know we are Christians. I guess that might be called planting seeds. I converse with the supermarket checkout operators just to have a chance to bring a blessing to them. Some of them now know I am a Christian. I can easily bring God into conversations with unsaved family members, neighbours and strangers I stop and talk to in the park—with the leading of the Holy Spirit. I do not adopt a heavy...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Importance of Unity

  What do you do when you think the Pastor or Senior Leadership Team have got it wrong! A friend was recently talking about a decision made by our Senior Leadership Team (SLT) including the Pastor. We are a small church community, so decisions affect every member there. However, unless directly involved in a programme or initiative the SLT do not know how a decision they make might impact on the on-the-ground day-to-day running of that programme or initiative. It is important to talk to those involved to get their perspective and even in a small church this might not necessarily happen. Having said that, our SLT are generally very good at consulting. So, what do you do if you think it’s an unwise decision? This will of course depend on size of the church, whether the Pastor is a good listener and is prepared to talk about it and I’m sure, many other factors. My perspective is that I do not want to be talking about the Pastor behind his back. I do not want to gossip about him ...
Post a Comment
Read more